hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
All the doctor said was why
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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