He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
