im drinking this country out of the recession.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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