It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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