Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
