is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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