soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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