I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
