i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
