i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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