You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
