There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
