bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
