Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
