just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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