Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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