My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
