The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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