I think my vagina is haunted
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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