I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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