As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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