I just cut my nipple shaving
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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