I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
