she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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