She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
