don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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