you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
