The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
