I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
