i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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