Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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