I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
