So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize