remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
