shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
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