Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
