Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
