Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
