you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
It's blow job season.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
