and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
