her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize