So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
