i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
