You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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