Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
