Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Randomize