I'm gonna have a badass scar
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
