Me too!
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
