Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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