I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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