so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
When did angry sex become our thing?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
My feet surprised me
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
