so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
