i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize