gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Someone came in the potted fern
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize