He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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