I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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