Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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