I didn't shave. On purpose
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
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