I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
