end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
