he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Randomize
