I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
we should paint friendship bongs
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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