Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
