last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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