Michael Bay diarrhea
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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