I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
