From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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