Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
