Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
