I am full of burrito and curiosity
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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